I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I came so hard my ears popped.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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