well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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