Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Two words: blizzard sex
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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