Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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