i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
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i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
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I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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