we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
