he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
