I'm gonna have a badass scar
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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