when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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