Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize