Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
