i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
