shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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