I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Randomize
