I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
