you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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