Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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