All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
When are your genitals available?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
