this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
