3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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