well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
