She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just invented taco cereal.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
