Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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