Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
