Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
