It's like God shit irony all over that family
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
