So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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