that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
