no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
