You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
