does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
