Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
