She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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