I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
