Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Duck Duck Cougar?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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