i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
