I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
