drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize