so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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