I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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