You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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