Duck Duck Cougar?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
