Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
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