Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
