I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
