is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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