how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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