We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
