My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
