..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
