Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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