This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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