so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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