Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I met the friendliest cop last night
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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