blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
