I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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