the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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