just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
