On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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