Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
