Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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