the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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