How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
