if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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