apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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