OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
