i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
