Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
