You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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