I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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