Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
