I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Who died my cat blue again?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
